This episode is a follow-up to one of the most popular episodes I’ve ever made, on queer friendship and romance. So many of you got in touch after that one, so I wanted to go deeper and talk more practically about how we can bring more intimacy and romance into all our relationships.

I start by thinking about where our expectations of relationships come from, because I think that’s where it all begins. For me that means looking at growing up in Germany, the legacy of wartime survival in my family, and the very specific ideas about marriage and commitment that got passed down to me. When we can see where those expectations originated, we get more space to figure out what we actually want.

From there I talk about tracing your current relational landscape: who is in it, what different friendships offer, and how to get honest about where you want more. I share some of the questions I love asking friends across seasons, like what do you want from this season, and what relational landscape do you want to grow old in.

There’s also a thread about the different dimensions of intimacy I’ve come to value: talking honestly about our bodies, being transparent about hard times, building a shared imagination for the world we want to live in, swapping skills, and normalizing the hard conversations that make the warm ones feel safe.

This one is for anyone who wants their friendships to feel a little more intentional, a little more tender, and a lot more real.

You can send me a question here: https://speakpipe.com/yarrowm

Love,

Yarrow