This week I’m continuing a new tradition on the podcast: picking a topic, then answering the questions the internet is actually googling about it. This time it’s ritual and grief, and I found three questions that apparently hundreds of thousands of people are searching for answers to.

First, what’s the point of a ritual if I don’t believe in anything? I talk about my own strange, unstructured relationship with ritual as a kid, little altars on a shelf, a phase of visiting different places of worship in Hamburg, none of it religious in any formal sense, but all of it meaningful.

Second, how do you build a grief ritual with no religious background? I walk through some of the questions I’d ask myself first, what my relationship to belief actually is right now, whether I want something small and daily or bigger and occasional, whether it’s about letting go or about holding on.

Third, and my favourite: is it strange to talk to someone who’s died? Short answer, no. I get into continuing bonds theory, the research suggesting that maintaining a relationship with someone after they’ve died is a completely normal and even healthy part of grief, not something to move past. I share the notebook where I write letters to my mum, and why I’ve made peace with not knowing exactly what’s happening when I feel her presence, only that it feels good and that I’m not the only one who does it.

Here is more info about the Soft Grief Club: ⁠https://griefmagic.com/club⁠

Thanks for listening!

Love,

Yarrow